June 9, 2009

 RELAPSE TRIGGERS

            As of today, I have forty-three days sober.  I have not had a relapse since I entered inpatient treatment, but I have had thoughts and temptations.  I have been able to deal with these by going to meetings every day, and I have built such a supportive network in AA that I am comfortable with calling my AA friends to talk if I have a sobriety threatening issue.  I believe this is crucial in prevention of a relapse, and therefore my risk for relapse is low.  I was not initially forced into recovery.  I had attended meetings before when I was about sixteen and identified that I had a problem with alcohol, but I had never worked any kind of program.  When my grades were slipping this semester and I was constantly drinking and depressed, and with the help of my mom, I realized yet again alcohol was a crucial problem in my life.  My mom and I had planned to enter myself in an inpatient treatment center when finals were over, but in the meantime I had brought my issues to the awareness of the assistant dean and then joined SARPH.  I think this means a lot as well, because usually people that are forced into a program are initially resistant to therapy, but I was aware of my issues from the beginning and was able to take full advantage of my treatment from the very start.  I have learned a very important point, that drinking is not the problem; the problem is inside of me.  When I was taught this in the first few days of my inpatient stay, my recovery became about learning who I am as a person and my defenses and how I really deal with life sober.  Part of how I’ve been doing this is journaling.  I feel that since I have been using for so long, I never really got to know myself, and now I am on this exciting journey of getting to know myself and growing to my full potential as a person.  This alone is a huge part of keeping me sober from day to day. 

            I have also involved myself in AA by going to meetings, always introducing myself to new faces I see, especially women, taking other girls to meetings, and doing things like getting coffee or having dinner after meetings with AA friends.  I’m really beginning to form friendships with a few girls my age and it helps me feel like I’m not alone, and it almost seems normal now to be sober.  When I am with my sober friends I don’t even think about drinking.  I just got a sponsor and I’m working on step four.  I feel like the steps will give me more confidence in myself and my sobriety so that I will not be tempted as much to go out and drink, or even think about drinking.  My home group, Newark group, is like a family to me now.  I go to about three to four meetings there a week, and I feel so comfortable and supported by the people there.  I look forward to seeing the same faces and everyone always has something good to say in the meetings.  That’s not only my home group, but every single meeting I go to I hear something from someone that I really identify with or needed to hear.  It’s wonderful the way the program works.  By giving back, we stay sober.  And recently, I learned that sobriety is a by-product of working the program.  In the beginning I would wake up and think about how I needed to stay sober every day, but now it rarely crosses my mind.  In going to meetings and associating with sober friends, the sobriety just comes along with it.  I also just started individual therapy with a drug and alcohol counselor who seems to have great knowledge of alcoholism and mental health issues.  I have only met with her once, but I can tell already that I really like her and will be able to learn from her.

            The following are ten relapse triggers in and out of the work place that I have identified and an action plan for each:

1. work.  I won’t be able to change the weather, so rather than thinking about drinking, I can plan to do something else, like go to the batting cages or play miniature golf.
2. Stress- Stress is a trigger I have yet to really deal with, because now that it’s summer and I’m not working, my life is going pretty smoothly.  I imagine when I start working and insurance claims can not go through and patients get angry and yell at me, I will be very frustrated.  I will do my job and solve the problem to the best of my ability, and then take a moment to say the Serenity prayer in my head, or just talk to my Higher Power and ask for patience because I know that I’m doing everything I can to help the patient.  If I’m still worked up about it after work, I will go to a meeting.
3.  Being at the beach- Last weekend I was in Rehoboth and for the first time in my sobriety, I had the most overwhelming, powerful urge to drink.  I immediately got my meeting list and drove to a meeting, and called a friend on the way.  I went to another meeting after than one and it really worked to get me through the day.  I would use this plan of action again.
4. Anger- Someone in group therapy gotWarm weather- For some reason, the nice weather makes me want to sit back and have a nice fruity drink, especially after a long hard day at  really angry with me about how I felt about something and she cursed at me, and I drove the whole way home being so angry about it and wanting to drink because of the way she felt.  I talked to my mom about it immediately when I got home to get it off my chest, and realized that it wasn’t my problem that she was angry.  I think sometimes I tend to wallow in my anger until it leads me to drink or act in a way I’m not proud of, and I need to talk about it as soon as I feel angry or something is bothering me.  If someone angers me at work, or wherever, I will address the situation as soon as possible to get it off my chest.
5. Weekends- Fridays and Saturdays are big drinking nights for so many people my age.  I have struggled with weekends but always planned other sober activities, but I think if I work all week long, when Friday comes around I will feel an even greater desire to drink over the weekend.  I will just have to plan sober activities like I have been doing, keep in touch with my sponsor, and I’ve found that planning meetings to go to on the weekends gives me a sense of duty rather than thinking about a whole weekend with nothing to do.
6. Phillies games- Sports events automatically mean drinking for me, so the next time I go to a Phillies game I will show up on time for the game rather than a few hours before so I’m not around all the tailgating.  Also, I’ll go with someone who also agrees to not drink, so I will not be tempted by a friend who is drinking.
7. Happiness- When everything seems to be going well, and I haven’t really had any struggles or anxiety or thoughts of drinking, I feel like I can handle drinking.  I just have to follow the thought through to what will happen after one drink, then a few drinks, then a few days of drinking, etc.  When I realize I cannot just have one drink I’m usually okay.  Also, I can offer to drive someone to a meeting because in helping others it makes me realize why I need to work to stay sober.
8. Parties- I haven’t even put myself in a situation where a bunch of people my age are partying, drinking, and maybe drugging because I know this is a huge trigger and I just do not trust myself to even be in the situation.
9. Bars- Like parties, I have not been to a bar since I got sober.  As much as I want to go just to dance and hang out with friends, all the drinks around me would be too tempting and I just don’t think it’s a good idea to put myself in the situation.
10. Arguments with my boyfriend- Sometimes I get so frustrated with him that I would just love to go out at get wasted and forget about it.  Recently, I’ve been able to communicate with him a lot better so that I don’t hold things inside that will later make me really angry or upset.  Expressing my true feelings helps resolve arguments right then and there, instead of being stubborn and not talking about what’s bothering me.  I can also talk to friends about it so I don’t get angry enough to drink.  I can call my sponsor as well.